In a satirical announcement, President Donald Trump claimed that the missing Jeffrey Epstein files were located in the East Wing of the White House and have now been destroyed. This statement surprised House Oversight Committee Chairman James Comer, who expressed disbelief at the unexpected location of the files, which reportedly included a client list.

In a satirical piece from The Onion, President Donald Trump defends his controversial demolition of Yggdrasil, the ancient tree of life, claiming it was an eyesore and citing questionable legal grounds. He suggests that the tree's decline was exacerbated by wildlife and promises to replace it with something grander, while also diverting attention to his military actions against Jörmungandr, the World Serpent.